Originally published March 17, 2021 (LinkedIn)
I am heartbroken…no, that’s not the right word…gutted, that’s the one.
Hearing the news about the 8 deaths at Atlanta massage parlors, the hate crime (c’mon news outlets, say it, say the words) targeted at the Asian community, Asian women specifically, broke me. And it scared the crap out of me too. I’ve been concerned at the rise of Asian hate crimes in the past year. I’ve been worried for the safety of my elderly mother most of all. And I’ve been pissed off that the news coverage and the discussion has been little to none.
But I wasn’t really afraid.
I am now.
And one of the things that comes to mind as I try to wrap my head around these nonsensical acts of violence (3800 reported incidents of hate crimes against Asians in the last year alone), as I try and grapple with all the emotions that are consuming me right now, as I try to figure out WHAT I CAN DO, as I think through how to keep myself and my family safe…is that I am so, so glad I’m not in HR anymore.
I’m so thankful that I don’t have to go to work somewhere/anywhere tomorrow and NOT have even one person ask me if I’m okay. I’m so relieved that I don’t have to have other executives ask me what we’re going to do about it, or, no, rather, should we do something? Should we send an email? Should we hold an employee round table? Should we offer people time off if they need it (but, definitely not if there’s an important meeting that day, of course)? No wait…should we do ANOTHER UNCONSCIOUS BIAS TRAINING?
“You’re HR,” they all look at me and say…without words. As if this is specifically a part of my job alone. As if we’ve all forgotten what we’re supposed to do as fellow humans. “Humanity is not on my job description,” they shrug and say…without words.
I don’t have to be the one to take on the emotional labor from Leadership that is so afraid to do or say the wrong thing that they don’t do anything at all. And I don’t have to feel guilty in those moments when I forget to be a human and am paralyzed with that same fear of not doing or saying the right thing, too. And I don’t have to think about the fact that all the while that we’re trying to come up with some program to show that our company cares (but remember, we’re still a business after all), people are hurting. And I don’t have to be worried that my own personal struggles end up creating professional ones…and that not being okay.
If I had to go to work somewhere/anywhere tomorrow, I wouldn’t be seen as an Asian woman and there would be no consideration that this may be an especially hard time for me. My job would be HR…my ethnicity, my gender, my skin color, my FEAR wouldn’t be seen. Bring your whole self to work, but leave 99% of it at the door.
I’m so tired of being unseen.
Yeah, so I’m so, so glad I’m not in HR anymore.
I am sorry to every person I have asked to volunteer their time and efforts and the emotional labor of being on another (UNPAID) diversity committee. I am sorry to every person I asked to help come up with solutions, speak on behalf of an entire marginalized community, represent!, do the work, help FIX THIS. And I’m sorry for preaching empathy but lacking it in the stifling work environment demanding R!E!S!U!L!T!S! from these DEI efforts over just giving a damn and doing right by people.
Work places…the somewheres, the anywheres…remember that your HR team, your People leaders, and ALL your employees are people first, with emotions, with mental health challenges, with fears, with identities that go way beyond titles. And marginalized communities (not your catch phrase…but real people…real marginalizations) are having an especially hard time right now. A half day off to decompress, a book club about racism!, a guest speaker…all followed by a Performance Review on paper that never once asks someone HOW they’re doing, isn’t gonna cut it. Don’t just give the lip service, the “in these difficult times” speeches. But show compassion, check in, be human…at the very LEAST.
I can see that now, I can say that now, I can do that now…….now that I’m not in HR anymore.